waywardme's Blog

I'm sick of it. And by "it" I mean me.

I have never learned the art or self-control. This is a concept that I have a hard time visualising. It's like a foreign language...well, kind of. I mean, I could probably try it, the self control. But I'm scared.

It's like all my life I've thrived on riding the waves and being able to adapt to any situation and perservere. But, my life is acutally pretty peaceful now. So here I am trying to maintain control by not controlling myself.

My childhood was chaotic. Totally and completely chaotic. (You can start charging by the hour now, dear readers.) I thrived on getting along. Now, and especially since I have come to know Christ, my life has become so much more peaceful *shutter*

I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to handle anything, unless I'm flying by the seat of my pants. I mean, I guess I could just suck it up and say "No, Self, you are not going to drink tonight" or "Self, let's go work out"...but what if I fail?

Logically, I am aware that the onlyvreason I would fail is because I (myself) would decide to slack off or not commit. I guess that's what's so scarry. I trust myself to adapt to changing climates .Not adjust to calm ones...